reserved type

shucks when guys are reserved. you never know if they like you. and i seem to be going for the reserve type lately. they are so secretive that they never tell anyone what they feel. so you cant find out from his mates either! shucks! maybe i should just make it clear that i like him??

trainin andy

im in the cyber cafe now, training for dawn of war. im currently teaching andy how to use shortkeys and micromanage. i think hes got too much new things to remember that he might explode. poor boy! we were supposed to play two on two vs the computer but my pc hanged so hes on his own. hes doing alright. ill probably be meeting him tomorrow to train him again. since hes on team 3, hes got to do well, and hes a new player so hes got lots to learn. i have faith im him and shaz. i think they would do well!

dawn of war finalized

the dawn of war tournament is getting closer. and we finally finalized our teams today.

team 1: wgs st. johns
zach and jonathan

team 2: TT of doom
brian and me
our team name was supposed to be TT of doom, for triona and tyranids. but i think zack registered us as trionid.

team 3 : shazandy: dendam kumpulan sith
shaz and andy

team 4: lost in space
ahmad and azmin

team 5 : the irregulars(i think)
shaun and ian

sleep at rudys

i was in rudys place yesterday. and if andy hadnt called, i dont think i would have left the place. we were chillin in the place and the next thing i know im sleeping. and so was rudy, dawn, zach, and shazz. its so comfy. i just wanted to sleep there all day. zachs theory is we all fell asleep because, its dark, cold and the lack of oxygen cos of the cigarettes that we were all having. i guess its true. maybe thats why rudy cant leave his room, cos he keeps passing out lol!

candy smiles

his eyes are so beautiful! when were across the room and our eyes meet its like theres this magnetic pull than prevents either of us to look away. when i look into his eyes, i feel like im drowning. floating more like it! i wonder if he notices the pull too. or is it my imagination on hyperdrive?

ive caught him staring too. and when i do he look away and blushes, so cute!! im pretty bold cos i stare at him and when he notices i dont stop. then he goes and blushes somemore. i wonder if he knows he blushes alot? if i tell him i recon he would blush some more!!

hes got this great smile. it just lights up his face. makes his eyes crinkle. and makes it real small. and it glitters when it laughs. it sparkles. looks like hes crying or something. he makes me smile!

would i be that kinda of person??

i know i wont ever break up a family. i dont ever want to be a home wrecker. i would never date a married man. this is a promise i made to myself recently.

someone once told me, 'if he aint married, hes available.' so would i date someone whom i know has a girlfriend. would i let him cheat on her with me. i know i never want to be cheated on, it would break my heart! then why do i feel like its ok if the guy wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me??

not proud of it

i cant say im proud of what i did to her. well jealousy is an evil monster. i dont know what i was thinking. maybe i wasnt. i hope that in time she would learn to forgive me.

nice boys are boring

so what is it that makes me get attracted to bad boys. the whole wrong type. let me list it down for yall, there was a huge gangster, a outlaw, a married man(i didnt know), a dude a decade older than me, a fucking sadist, a blady muther fucking sex maniac. oh gawd.... where do i find these people. and why am i so fucking attracted to them. arggh....

well i guess cos nice boys are rather boring!

no drama

my life is lacking in drama. i need drama. im bored. nothings happening!!!

y2j blog

im missing a friends blog. he used to write total crap. i liked it. nice to get total crap. i hope he starts writing again. yeah andy...write again!!!

lost

i ve been watching this series called 'Lost' its really good. its about a plane that crashed on an island. so you watch how they have to survive on the island, fight with the monsters in them and the mystery on the island. i sugest that everyone try watching it!! its really good!!

home alone

alone at home at the moment. moms off to PD , sis is in camp and dads working that leaves me at home alone and very very bored.

confusicator friends

well, its funny how people give you advice and tell you stuff like 'omg....he knows what you said about him that day. i think -insert name here- told him. perhaps you should be careful what you tell him.' then you confront -insert name here-, and -insert name here- tell you that they never said a word to that person that -insert name here- was busy all day. and that the person that told you about -insert name here- was with the dude you were talking bad about that day.

ok its confusing. but basicly, a friend tries to lay off the evidence on him telling you that someone else did it. well sort of. what kinda friends are these man. the thing is i look as them as the closest friend to me. and now im not sure what the fuck is going on.

star wars 3

i watched star wars episode 3. and honestly it was pretty disappointing! i mean i didnt display any emotion during the movie. it didnt make me sad or anything. i yawned. it was just plain. it wasnt good nor was it bad. it was just star wars.

a decade too old

been intrested in this guy. problem... he is 10 years older than me. sigh.... well its just a crush!!

ex boyf and ex crushes

been chatting with my ex lately. i guess i was feeling guilty about the way i treated him. hes got longish hair now.....yumm! i have also been chatting with my ex crush. he told me he used to like me. feels wierd...

emotional gamers

theres this dude next to me in the cyber cafe playing football on the pc. and his fucking scaring me. hes throwing tantrums everytime his friend scores a goal. hes hitting his friend. hes throwing the mouse. hes banging the table. im getting freaked out!

no one on msn

so after i made a huge fuss about my msn. and i finally got in. i realize there is no one to talk to, well no one i wanted to talk to. :P

fucking msn

fucking msn keeps fucking screwing up on me!!! it kept telling me that my email and password didnt match. and im so fucking sure that it does!! oh....just want to kill something!!!!

guilt trip on ex

talking to my ex boyfriend online. hes all fucked up. hating the world, wanting to burn everyone alive. i have this wierd nagging feeling that they way i broke up with him, may be part of the cause for him beeing this way....guilty....

summer time

its summer time time for parties and more parties!!!! wooohoooo!!!!

should have won it

played in a wwe tourny today. i should have won it. i know i could have. i want my title belt! lost in the semi finals to APA. he had a really good hand. was pretty comfident since i had beaten them in the swiss round. andy got DQ cos he had an extra two cards in his arsenal. poor sod. i feel so bad for him. well its officiall. my HHH deck is by far my best build. i like it. but i cant play it to much. must meta game!!

star wars battlefront

playing star wars battle front right now. yes yes.... more computer games. sigh.... what happened to me???

pooch is back

pooch is back. we picked up at the air port, he looks so different now. he put on so much weight, hes so menacing now. looks like he had fun in nebraska. he got me a book. vampire the masquerade novels. clan toreador. very intresting. glad hes back.

paranoia zap

played paranoia zap today. its basicly a roleplaying game where you die really REALLY fast. its loads of fun. its completely wacko. think looney toons. one wrong move and your dead. thank god we have six clones. if all your six clones die, ure out!! manage to stay in the game for three sessions so far. very intresting. i suggest everyone try it!!

sleep till dawn

been palying dawn of war sooo freaking much. everyday so far. got to train for the tourny!!! i need more sleep. my eyes are bloodshot. the dark circles around my eyes is as visible as ever. and im brain dead more often than i normall am.....oh god.... oh god.....

kingdom of heaven

if you havent watched kingdom of heaven, i suggest that you go. it was rather meaningful for me. considering that we live in an enviroment where muslims and christianity dont exactly see eye to eye. it was pretty cool watching the movie with two other muslim guys and another christian dude. we can all still be friends even though it seems we pray to different gods. a character in the movie was translating to bailin about what muslims say during their prayers. and bailin replied 'thats not very different from what we say.' which is true. infact, i believe that were praying to the same god, just in different ways. so why do we dispute so much over religion??

lady dreaming

gawd i love this pic!

pretty pictures

here are some pretty pictures that i wanted to put on my blog. *i sound more and more like a bimbo every day!*

shop picture #1

this is the shop picture from christmas. thought id put it up.


frm left to right. starting from the top row. fiezan, joe, andy, cant tell, woi lun, terra, blur, mike, deborah, wolf(the pimp), me, ian(with the peace sign), random small kid, dawn, ramat, bryan(yes that bryan) jason, azmin, point, raj and ahmad.

long haired men

i seem to be intrested in long haired men lately...the whole scruffy looking thing. here are some pics of long haired celebrities that i think are hot. *drool..


bo bice


constantine


johhny


russell crowe


orlando

dont set them up!!

what happens when you set your friends up and then you realize they are horrible together. that they shouldnt be friends even. makes you feel so fucking guilty man. this sucks.

laundry day

laundry day today. man i hate laundry day. i guess it because im goddamn fussy when it comes to washing me clothes. i have to separate the pants, skirts, tops, jeans, whites, lights, brights, darks and handwash only clothes. okok so im fussy. i cant help it. and its so freaking tiresome! just want to unwind right now. a good book and a nice warm drink will do it.

never liked us together

ever since i broke up with bryan, a whole lot of people have been telling me that they didnt like us together. most of the people who told me this either had a crush on me or bryan. but to think that they were people who hated me just because i dated bryan. people who wanted to ruin my life. its crazy. ive been getting prank calls lately from a person whos been asking me to stay away from bryan. i mean what the hell. im not even with bryan. i have no clue who the fuck it is, but its getting goddamn annoying.

but people, dont get scared, bryan is a great guy. dont be scared to date him. :)

grown man cry

the sweetest thing to ever happen to me. when my macho exboyfriend had actually went down on his knees, cried and told me how much he meant to me, and how he doesnt want to lose me. it was the sweetest thing ever. any doubts i had vanished. theres nothing more beutiful than seeing a grown man cry over you.

what about music

my band is having some problems. im starting to think that this is a fucking glamour band. im wondering if anyone else is in the band because they love music. i know michelle does. but lately i recon shes been wanting to spend time with blur. there drama already in the band. and all i want to do is make music. i dont need a band to make music. maybe i dont need a band.

idol results.

malyasian idol was a good experiance. by now you would have noticed that i didnt make it to the next level. i think i did well. better than i thought i would. i sang blue moon. and they asked me to sing another song so i sang jewel-folish games. im cool not getting in. the experiance was worth while. next year ill take it seriously. ill sing a rock song. and ill rock myself to the next level. one year at a time.

well this will add on to stupid reality shows ive tried to be on. already on the list is fear factor, doubles(with emil)! next will be explorace! watch it people. ill be there.

wanna be a pop star

going for malaysian idol tomorrow. i dont even know what to sing. i dont expect to get in. just doing it for fun. everyone is asking me to sing a soft rock song, but i think i should do the whole jiwang thing. ermm...thinking jewel- you were meant for me. or something to that extent.

listening to kittie- what i always wanted now, hmmmmm....maybe i should sing that. its time to rock!!

wolf, having a bad time

been worried about a dear friend of mine whos going through a though time. hope you get back on your feet! i know you will.

my hair!!

it feels so different now that ive cut my hair. when i run my fingers through my hair, instead of me having to stretch to get my fingers free. now it stops short. i feel naked. i feel younger, carefree. ive cut off a whole burden on my chest when i cut my hair. well its not messy anymore. and im going to miss slapping everyone with my hair when im in the mosh pit. gonna miss using my hair to cover my cleavage. it was a shock seeing my hair on the floor of the hair salon. i guess i was surprised i actually did it!

i feel great. im over him

cut my hair yesterday. was very reluctant that i cut my hair. had something to do with bryan. but cutting it was like washing my hands off bryan. moving on. and i have. im happy, very happy. talking to him helped me move on. its funny how all i had to do was cut my hair and have a decent conversation with him. im the happiest ive been in so long. i feel refreshed, rejuvenated. i feel great. its been six months. of pain, hurt and crying, and im finally happy.

thanks to everyone who helped me on the way to recovery. i know i only had an emotional breakdown a few days ago. but im good now. thank you!

shaz wedding

heres some pictures from shazs wedding.


the happy couple


dawn, myself and john


the shop boys..........yummm.......


the boys and i


the shop

bad state

ive been so disoriented, scared, confused. i apologize to everyone to have been there when i broke. when i couldnt take it anymore. esp the ones who followed me to the hospital. ill get better. im just in a very bad state.

hospitalized sis

my sister has been in the hospital for a bit. she had minor stroke. shes been discharged. but the doctors cant find the problem. thats something im worried about.

happy birthday sis!!

numb it all

i feel like i need some time out. i want to drink myself silly. get pissed drunk. i think i need it! i need to numb all the pain.

i feel better, i can move on.

well i finally had talked to bryan about what he felt. well i couldnt go on as confused as hell. wondering all the time what hes thinking. well its definately over between us. now that thats cleared up, i can move on. the one and only thing that stopped me from moving on was the thought that he still loved me. hes my first love, its rather hard tolet go. my first real boyfriend. i learned alot from being with him. i will always love him. im looking forward to being friends with him, after all he is the only person in this world who knows who i really am. every part of me. told him everything: my jealousy, the dude that i was dating, how i was actually over him before i somehow came up with the conclution that he still loved me. i feel so much better. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. thanks bryan for everything.

shitty weekend

ive had a shitty weekend!!! horrible!!!!!!!!!!!! everything fucks up. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... maybe it gets worse when your pmsing. arghhh!