christmas...fuck yea

christmas....god i hate it!
its got the ability to make you all warm and loved. but it also has the ability to make you feel cold and extremely lonely.

especially when there is nothing to celebrate. and no one to celebrate with...

im especially confused this christmas.
my ex and i kissed. and considering the fact that i thought i was over him, a hell load of feelings started surfacing. well i thought i still wanted him and i thought that maybe he still had feeling for him.

and then the guys i used to date started coming on to me really harshly...and i didnt know what to feel.

my friend seems to be wanting all the guys there is. shes got a boyfriend but keeps on wanting more. im worried. especially for him.

on the great side, i actually have loads of fun at rudys party.
i went there with my new black dress (which was supposed to make me look innocent, but ended up showing LOTS of cleavage), my new bob hairstyle (my hair is gone!) and my angel wings. aside from flashing everyone, smoking like hell, spend most of my time at the bar and was seen drinking lots; im sure i looked like an angel!

im glad christmas is over!
now i can relay a lil. and get the rest i need so badly.

the frog

well its the last of my exams now.....im freeee...yipeee.

went to watch a movie with my classmates. the fog(frog.)

we were at the counter and i dared my friend to ask for tickets to the frog. and meng did it!! the guy at the counter said...."ok six tickets to the frog. what isle would you like?" he didnt even realize what we said!

from that we had inspirations on going and ordering a Mc Fluffy asscream from McDonalds and falaffles and asscream from the Waffle Station. had loads of fun...

and dont bother watching the fog. its a totall waste of time. interesting story line......but thats about it. it was so bad, that they had to put in a sex scene just to make it interesting!!

my friend nikki even fell asleep!!

the frog would have been a better watch!

i think the frog would have been more interesting.

party party

so the party....

i think everyone had fun.... we drank alot...did stupid things. (must get ben to get rid off the videos)

there was just too much lesbian action if you ask me. and too little ''triona getting yummy action''.

must get ben too...cos he watched and recorded everything but he didnt do anything.

poor poody.....i saw his arm and it looks horrible. and it so hard for him to do things like opening a bottle. poor dahlin.

and my col mates went. i hope they had fun too. but i invited arrmand and he mistook the day apparently. (fucker)

and i cant believe that they tried to make me lap dance them. and they tried to pay me alot as well but lap dances just isnt my thing lol.

gavin is cute but im dissapointed

well my birthday is done and over with. well i thinkit was pretty good. thanks to everyone for coming. really apprieciate it! well the party was awesome but i cant help but feel disappointed. why???

1) some very important people i invited didnt show up.
2) in the process of party planning i realized that my friend is using her boyfriend.
3) i missed watching julius caesar cos i was broke.
4) then i realized that that gavin yap(the reason i wanted to watch julius caesar) is a totall hottie. and i didnt realize it! well i know he was cute just not that unbelievably fucking cute! and now i missed my opportunity!








i mean how fucking hot can this guy be!!!

ok..i know i haven't posted in ages. but i find it hard to write anything without mentioning how i feel. how do i write normal stuff when all i can think about is how empty i feel. how do i keep pretending that nothings wrong when im dying inside. i dont know how long i can keep up with this game. i tried talking about it with people. but everyone seems like they are too busy too listen to my sob stories. everyone has got their own shit. but i need to let go i need help, i need my friends. but i just couldnt bring myself to write anything in blog. how can i tell people im on the verge of suicide and that im too depressed to eat. how can i when people are going to look at me with pity like they always fucking do. they look at me like my lover died or they dont look at me at all! and there are the people who are really concern, and they would ask me if im okay. IF YOU FUCKING READ THIS THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IM NOT FUCKING OK! and how am i supposed to tell people whats really going on (because they are going to ask) when everytime i think about it or talk about it i cry. in fact im crying in the cyber cafe now. people must think im some emotional freak. which coincidentally i am. im messed up, how i managed to keep a straight face when i go out i dont know.

what sucks the most is that he still misses me, but there are just too many complications. why the fuck does he have to have a midlife crisis now??? why does he still look at with does fucking eyes. the eyes that say so many things that he cant. im fucking depressed. i dont know how long i can cope with this. my exams are on monday and when i study, everything seems to remind me of him. in fact, everything i do, every fucking place i go reminds me of him. i dont get why i feel this way....he was supposed to be a fling, but now i have fallen in love with him a little too late!

nothing i can do

well im single now. i really miss him but there is nothing i can do about it!

ive joined the dark side

remember that posting i made about magic: the gathering being evil? well i think ive gone to the dark side then.....ive been hit by the bug. its so bad that i drafted twice yesterday and im borrowing johans book on ravnica. well i guess the story line is just too interesting for me too pass.

well like riz said: "if you cant beat, join it!". well i guess i couldnt take the fact that my boyf was spending too much time with magic that i decided to join as well!

sigh..... i hope i know what im doing!

took out the video

i took out the video clip, realized that some pcs hang because they cant load it and it takes ages to load! well hop eits better now!

magic is the root of all evil!

Magic: The Gathering is the root of all Evil!!!

i know michelle has beaten me to this posting but its true!! magic is the root of evil. for you guys who dont know what magic is, it a card game that separates all lovers. my relationship is in ruins because of it. he doesnt have time for me because all he does is play magic. there is no end to it. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY! he doesnt even have the time to FUCKING LOOK AT ME!!!


magic = time and money

time = money, therefore

magic = money and money
= money2

money is the root of evil, therefore

magic= evil


its all scientifically proven! there is no denying it!

lots have happened

wow.... havent posted in awhile..... well time to make up for it so many things have happened!!!

let see...

1) i had a huge argument with my boyfriend......extremely huge....im talking about yelling on top of my lungs crying like there is no tommorow kinda argument. we manage to talk it over and we decided that it is time for a break. he wants space to think about things.

2) i dont know if i want to still be with him. if he is always so god darn busy and have zero time for me then i dont think its worth it! and he keeps ignoring me. im not sure if its him that i want or its being someone that i want.

3) he kissed me in public....he never kisses me in public, around all our friends. it surprised me, shocked me.... but i loved it. of course i told him that he was mad...im confusing

4) went to wolfs bithday party. the day started pretty slow with people drafting, playing twister, charades and i played this drinking game called animosity or something. where you deal out a card to everyone and the person with the highest card gets to choose someone to drink a shot. the person who drinks gets to make up a rule...like no one can say the word 'drink'. well the key to this game is to SHUT UP. and well i cant do that and the more i drank the more chatty i got. in the first two mins of the game i had downed 5 tequila shots. at the end of the game i had 15 tequila shots, 2 whiskey and coke and this foul thai drink that i think was the one that caused me to be drunk!

well all i remember was me lying on the floor, me trying to kiss mark, me making out with zidek and me passing out in the bath tub. what i heard later was a lot of different versions of the story which some arent true.... there was me molesting mark, me sucking face with zidek repeatedly. wolf seeing me naked, me flashing everybody, and everyone trying to breakdown the door that i locked myself in cos they thought i might have drowned myself.....god knows what happened but i think i rather not know. i had fun. all the girls got drunk and when we woke up the next morning we had a laugh about everything. great party, great fun! hope everyone had as much fun as i did!! ;)

5) played with fireworks in ryans house for deepavali. had good indian food and just sat around chilling.

harry potter on speed

i got home about 1 last night and my sis was still awake. so i was bugging her to entertain me cos there was nothing to do. so we played speed and harry potter trivia game until 4:30. i cant believe we actually did it. but it was fun to play kiddy games. havent done it in awhile.

and yes i do own a harry potter trivia boardgame!

really wierd event

i was sitting in the bus stop waiting for the bus yesterday. and there was this guy around my age who just walked up behind me, and ruffled my hair and walked away. i thought it was someone i knew so i was trying to put his face in place than i realized i didnt know him at all. by then he was just too far away for me too pull my kung fu moves on him (yeah right). i was just sitting there with a puzzled look on my face so the two girls in the bus stop was looking at me wierdly.... i had to explain to them that i didnt even know him for them to stop staring. then they started bitching about how men from malaysia are jerks.

really wierd event....had to blog it.

i guess i really do like him

i guess i was being inconsiderate. he gave all the space that i needed, but i didnt give him enough space. well he is asking for a lot of space. and it was very different from when we first started, he wanted to be with me all the time.

its changed now.

and i guess i did blame him for someone being pissed at me, but that doesnt change what he did.

i cant just forget that he stood me up, didnt call me when he said he would, ignored my calls and avoided me all in one day.

why do i put up with him??

i guess i really do like him alot huh....

falling into a wall

i think im falling for him. the only shit thing is that he probably wants out. i guess i have to accept it. i dont really have a choice. its just that im so fond of him. we used to spend everyday together. im just so used to being with him.

i think i might be heading straight into a wall. and its my fault i didnt stop.

looks like maybe i really need to give him more sex!

speech

Just finished my speech for.......Public speaking. I talked about suicide. and I think I aced the speech! My lecturer said that she would have given me full marks.. But there is no such thing as full marks in English.....Or something like that. She commented that whoever going after me would have a problem living up to my speech!! IM sooo proud of myself!

on a darker side, my class mate that made a speech on obesity. and here is this skinny ass girl telling people about the bad side of being obese. she was pretty much mocking obese people. thats not all.... there was this big guy in the exam room....and i think he took offense towards the speech. im not obese and i was offended. way to go skinny girl!

evrything has gone wrong

i dont know why its dissapointing me so much. is it too much too ask for a little time together.

i had such a shit morning. i woke up with a msg saying maybe i should leave him. its not surprising that i cried. been so emotional for the past few days....i think im still crying a lil. everyone just thinks my eyes are watering cos im sick....great cover up. my hands are shaking uncontrollably. im trying my best to hide it.

so i pushed my emotions away for the time being and decide to go for class. well i got to college, but there was no class. i have 2 hours till class actually starts. so im waisting my time, fucking around. i need a smoke badly, but i havent eaten anything...so i know its a bad idea to smoke...since i am sick after all.

ill probably be meeting him later.... wether we talk is a different matter entirely.

why do i feel so depressed?

hate nightmares

had a nightmare yesterday. heres just some of the details.

- my boyfriend was cheating on me with a girl from the shop (sierra). i was too stupid to see it happening. when i confronted him about it he just said she gave him better sex. he didnt care at all. he was mean and cold to me.
* i have this sneaky feeling this dream is trying to tell me that he really doesnt care.
* also it could mean that i should give my boyfriend more sex.

-the lecturer that i sort of have a crush on kicked me out of class and banned me from it. he was so pissed at me, he refused to say anything to me.
* think the dream is trying to tell me to forget about flirting with the lecturer and focus on the subject.
* it could also mean that my efforts arent good enough and i need to take remedial flirting lessons.

-my friends all started to ignore me and stop hanging out with me.
*maybe i should be nicer to my friends
* or maybe i need new friends.

i woke up crying. loosing my friends and failing in college suprisingly didnt hurt as much as loosing my boyfriend. i guess he does mean a lot to me.

sick and wierd

been sick as shit. coughing up barrels full of phlegm. ewww....i know. had to skip todays lectures too.(not that im complaining really) ive got a copy cat in college. she tries to copy the things i do, tries to like the people i like....really wierd!

mega bitch

i have declared myself official mega bitch! i always was a bitch but now i am a MEGA BITCH!!

here is the story:

i was hanging out with ryan and my exes girlfriend was walking around with aluminium foil all over her hair and she saw me there. she was embarrased and she said to her friend "oh my god. oh my god its (insert name here) ex!" she turned away and didnt want me to see her. (i dont know why) i guess she was embarrased about the way she looked. so i said out "oh my god, she looks so stupid!" i couldnt help it. since she was so worried about the way she looked around me.... i just couldnt help it!

im so proud of myself!!!

goo goo dolls-iris clip

this weeks clip is goo goo dolls - iris. my fave song!!!

fairies

been in love with these fairies pics. check it out.

type like old people fuck

i finally finished my public speaking quiz. i finished it in the cafeteria in col in the morning and i was typing my usual slow ass pace when i realized i only had 15 min left to the deadline. i hadnt even finished one page out of my 3. my friend sees my sad attempt at typing and decides to type for me. the time i took to type one paragraph was the same time he took to type my whole speech. how sad is that. i just cut class to go online. class is just to boring.....i hate organizational communication.

aftermath of convention

well the convention in shah alam went pretty well. i went as a rosie cotton from lord of the rings. there was a harry potter, a sith lord and a grinch. pretty cool. i think the sith lord won the competition though. not sure. i took lots of great pics...but ill upload them as soon as i can. i was there demonstrating pirates and there were these kids there who just wanted to break all my ships. it was pretty sad...i was so fustrated. and there were these kids who kept bully harry potter... they took his wand and kept jabbing him with it. the also took the light saber and jabbed him with it....really funny. i did a talk show thing with harry potter and interviewed people there.then we all buka puasa together all 20 0f us. the restaurant who i think wasnt used to so many customers kept fucking up the orders and it took forever to get our food.

wolf con

ANOUNCEMENT
anyone interested in boardgames, miniature games, card games or role playing games or just looking for some great fun? well come over to shah alam in the shah alam mall near concorde hotel on sunday and join us for the first ever wolf convention. ill be a hostess there so you can meet up with me and just chill out and have fun. its on from 10am till 6:30 pm. cosplay fans can come over and join our cometition as well...ill be going as rosie cotton from lord of the rings. there will also be a lord of the rings booth so fans come on over. support us people!!!

peeps from the shop

some pictures from the peeps of the shop. so if you wanna meet up with them then come over.

sad sad person

im sure all friendster would have noticed that you can now check out who has viewed your profile....want to know whats really sad? there is only one!! how sad is that...and the dude looks like a total creep. im such a sad sad person!

liking you teacher

was reading this really stupid book that my sis had. its about a bunch of high school kids finally being aware of their sexuality and the people around them....but thats not the point. one of the girls had a crush on her teacher. the teacher wasnt intrested in her but its pretty hard to tell if your teacher is just being nice and helpful because its his job or that he is actually intrested. im puzzled....how would i ever know??

dont ask why im wondering!

i can play video clips now!!

check it out! i can play video clips now!!! i know it would probably end up like those annoying blogs with the song that keeps going on and on and ON!! but please press the stop button if you dont want to see or hear the song. or if you dont like the song. i will TRY to change the video every week. tried to get creep by radiohead since i posted the lyrics but couldnt find it!

The video of the week is Deftones-Minerva. great song. enjoy!

Creep - Radiohead

had to put this lyrics in. this is one of my all time favorite songs.


Creep-Radiohead
When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
ou're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

he's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,
but I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.

assignment!!!

ive got 4 assignments to finish by this weekend so dont mind if you see lack of posting on my side.

assignments to finish

radio- comparison between the morning show on hitz.fm and traxx fm. this requires me to actually listen to the godamned show which is from 6 till 10. considering the fact that i actually sleep around 5 and have col at 9, thats pretty shit.

public speaking-a 10 min informative speech on the topic of my choice. sounds pretty fair actually. was thinking on writing about the reasons on why teenagers commit suicide.

organizationa communication- an essay and a presentation on conflicts in management. boring as shit but its group work so it cant be that bad.

critical thinking- im just supposed to get an article and find the main points in them and write an 800 word essay on it. not that bad

malaysian studies- i have no idea what the hell i have to do

sociology- a 2000 word essay on the westernization in malaysia. pretty intresting but im too lazy to write 2000 words.

assignments that i have completed.

sociology- my friends and i had to do a presentation on sexual harassment. so we did a skit and Meng was the victim and i was the harasser. it was basicly about this girl who keeps harassing this innocent boy and he feels ashamed and it took the girl to molest him before he finally took it to the cops. when he got to the police station the harasser turned out to be a cop. pretty funny.....definately got the crowd. heres my chance to get an A.

abusing it

really bored in col. sitting around in the com lab with my friends. and im abusing the printer and printing 150 pages worth of playstation game walkthrough. im truly abusing it.

is anybody there?

is anybody there?

emotions going through my head
my pulse thumping in my wrist
its calling, mocking me,
telling me im a coward
im trying to shut it out
i scream
but nobody is listening
im clutching a knife in my hands
cursing everyone that hurt me
swearing my revenge
the blade is cold against my skin
my wrist opens at my command
warmth leeks out of me
i fell pain all over
theres blood soaking my clothes
but nobody cares

i miss the doggy

i can seem to stop thinking about the dog. :(

ironic and sad

the most ironic and saddest thing happen to me today. well as all my readers know, my dog got put to sleep a couple of months ago. and my dog had 7 puppies before that. we gave away a few to our neighbours as we couldnt handle too many pets. last night around 1 am, i wanted to go outside so i opened my gate and i saw my dog. it didnt hit me that i didnt have a dog at that time. then i realized that it was one of the puppies that we gave away to our neighbours. it had remembered us when it was a puppy and escaped its owners home. if you watched the movie lassie you can picture the scene. he leaped up in to arms and started licking my neck and face. i played with it for a bit then went to bed. i named it spot and was planning to dognap it if the owners didnt find it.

in the morning my mom calls me and tells me the the dog followed her to buy breakfast and got hit by a car. my mom was so upset. she saw it all happen. when i went to college i saw the body by the road side but i couldnt go near it. all my hopes on getting a new dog was dashed. it was such a friendly dog. i miss him already.

shit happens

in the middle of editing class right now and their teaching us to do editing. so im stealing time on the internet to blog.

for those of you who dont know im allergic to chilli. thats pretty sad considering the fact that i live in malaysia. i had an allergic reaction two days ago and everyone in coll is teasing me about it. they keep staring at my lips.

i was pretty bitchy in class today when i passed the attendance sheet to someone to pass in to the front. and she grabbed the paper from me and tossed it on the table, finding it really rude i said out loudly "well someones got an attitude problem!" i think i really humilated her cos alot of people heard and started laughing. felt bad for a bit, but couldnt help it....she was being rude.

i couldnt find my wallet today and panicked! thought maybe i lost it in coll or in 1 utama. then ahmad calls me and tells me i left it in his car....thank god.

amazing woman helps demsell

i had this wierd stalker experiance on monday. i was on the way home from college on an extremely packed putra bus and there was this short malay man that kept on staring at me. i mean he didnt take his eyes off me even for a second. he was inching closer and closer through the crowd but he didnt do anything. and i was too exhausted to yell at him to stop staring. i didnt want to make a scene. and i couldnt move away from him cos the bus was so packed. so i just let him stare at me, as long as he didnt get physical i really couldnt care.

then this lady in her early 20s nudged her way and stood in between me and and the creep. she then told me that there was this creep staring at me. but was i so confused on why an attractively woman would risk being molested by some creep just so that i wouldnt. (keep in mind that its a sardin packed bus). its amazing. im very thankful for this womans help. and im speechless by what she did.

really that unenjoyable?

someone told me that my blog is too emotional and write in codes and that makes reading my blog unenjoyable. is that really true??

i dont care what people say

just having a chat with my lesbian friend. and its funny how she is so paranoid on what people think of her. the thing is i used to be just like that. i lied alot about who i am and what i do. i kept alot of things secret, and honestly i still do. its like everyone knows but they play along in the game. i always worried about what people would say about me. and lately ive been growing with the thought that i shouldnt care as long as im happy with myself. im working on it.

falling, flying and crashing

how is it when you think your falling for someone you start thinking about someone else.

never thought id be admitting this but, i think im falling. falling so hard that i can get hold of anything. i feel like im flying.

i will hit the ground soon. i know its coming but i cant bring myself to hold on to something to keep me from crashing. its like i want to crash.

im confused. im not sure what im feeling. is it a crush. is it lust. is it only because im growing fond of him. i dont know.

i have to talk to him. i have to prevent myself from crashing and smashing my heart. i cant keep on living this lie. i cant keep on pretending that there is nothing wrong. i cant keep on pretending that everything is okay and that there is nothing wrong.

charlie and the chocolate factory

watched charlie and the chocolate factory on saturday with ida, rizal and zach. crazy movie. it messes up your mind i tell you!! pretty fun though. johnny depp is an amazing actor, never thought he could act like that. there were some funny scenes (really wierd sense of humour) and wacky moments. cool movie...worth a watch. but be warned that it WILL mess up your mind.

nightmare chocobos

my quest for chocobos in final fantasy seven is turning to a nightmare. they are all cute and friendly looking.....but NOOOOO.......ITS EVIL. i have close to zero sleep because im trying to breed them. basicly you have to find rare chocobos and train it and feed it and then mate it with a nut(??????). this would give you different coloured chocobos. and then you get this funny couloured chocobos and train them and feed them....basicly it goes on and on. ITS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! but i have to do it to get the cool stuf in the game. plus its an ego thing as well. zach cant seem to stop making fun of my 'disabilities' in the game.....like my crap damage and my zero knowledge on the game. must breed the chocobos......

kuoks terror bathroom

stayed over kuoks place on saturday. and hes bathroom is really wierd. the bathroom door is made of carved wood. you know the ones you see in chinese programs. and its got holes in them. its really wierd to take a piss or a shower knowing that everyone is in the room and might see you. really really wierd.

marty casey

been watching rockstar INXS lately. and boy i am in love with marty casey. he has a voice i can fly with, eyes i can drown in and a smile i can melt with. hes an amazing singer. totally brilliant. hope he makes it all the way!!

tripple choc to keep me going

stuuck in kdu at the moment. i have class at 4 so that gives me an hour and half to kill. there is absolutely nothing to do here. im bored as hell trying to find something that would keep me going. had this amazing ice cream just now. its tripple chocolate or something.....heaven! yummy!!

im tired too. stayed up last night playing ff7. hehhee.

too much too little

i guess i havent been updating my blog. well i dont go online as much and when i do post is nothing worth reading anyway. well i have been rather busy. i should have been enjoying the holidays but i was sick for the most of it. i wanted to go for the rave in pd but i was so freaking sick. so my holidays was a waste. and i have to start classes tomorrow. there was so many things on my mind there was so many things i wanted to do.

*im not sure what the fuck im doing at the moment. my brain is telling me stop, but my heart is telling me to go on. the last time i listened to my heart i got hurt really badly.
*im not sure if im really completely over my ex.
*im in totall bitch mode and want to ruin someones life.
*im thinking that maybe i should.
*i feel unapreciated. ive done so much for a certain someone and that person never even noticed anything i did. and it seems like he has a got a replacement for me. i want him to know that i am more than what he would ever get in his life. (pretty deep huh)

bored after exams

well me exams are done. gotta week holiday.........bored!!! been playing ff7 till i pass out. blah!! just watched the island....worth a watch people....go watch!!!!

not prepared

arrrrgghhh!!! finals on monday!! im not prepared!! im not! im not!!! arghhhhhhhhh!!!

cute guy

met this really cute guy in the cyber cafe. well always noticed him, finally got really talking. his name is johan. got his number too. cute...

paul

talking to my godbrother online. havent seen him since i was still a baby, then would have been bout 18 years ago. nice to keep intouch.

selfish but truthful

am i selfish?? i dont think i am, but i dont think i like sharing people very much, i guess that does make me selfish then. i guess i like the feeling that im the only one, that im special. so when i have to share, im not the only one anymore... im not special. selfish it must sound, but heck, at least im truthful!

time to cool off

time to cool off now. been so busy with everything. ive spent too much time hanging out that i missed class today. thats not gonna go to well for me, i might be barred from my exam. and finals is a week away. so im going to take the time off and study and rest a little. so no hanging out for me unless i really need it. maybe on the weekends, i have to limit myself somehow!

memory problems

everyone always says i have holes in my head, and thats not very far from the truth really. ive got this horrible memory problem. i seem to forget who i tell things to. like i was planning something and i didnt want someone to know about it so i told everyone not to tell him and the next thing i know he comes up to me and asks me hows the plans. i freak out and get all defensive and said really bitchly "how did you find out?" and it turns out i told him. this happens all the time. Deb is normaill the one who get caught in my memory problems. i tell her almost everything and i tend to forget that i tell her anything. its really wierd. got to fix it!

how disrespectful

omg. the dude next to me in the cyber is watching porn. how disrespectful. i cant change my pc cos this is the only one with microsoft word and i need to finish my assignment!

wonder how they are

dear diary,

ahmad, azmin and i used to be such close friends. seems like everyone's drifted away. everyone's got their own agenda. i barely see them. wonder how everyone is!

simply lovely

beautiful isnt it. i could stare at if for hours. just soaking all that emotions thats just bursting out of this picture. brilliant. simply lovely.

going to hell

you know when things are going to hell when your own blood betrays you. hell.

done with this exam

in kdu library right now. just finished one of my papers. :p i have another one later. :p then ill be heading to jamn with some mates. :) cant wait till im done with this blady exam. sheesh!

only god will judge me

only god will judge me.

please understand

to whom it may concern,

im the happiest when i am with you. you make me forget all my worries. you remind me to relax and have fun. i dont know how to say this but i really like you. more than you think i do. and i thank you very much. but there is just so much complications that i dont know what i should do. please understand that im in a confused state. dont get mad when i say i dont know what i want. perhaps you should ask yourself that question too. maybe that would help your confusion. but for the moment, im here for you.

yours trully,
triona.

when did it go to hell?

when did everyones judgements go to hell??? where the fuck is mine???

who said it was easy!

been so busy. i am being buried with homework and assignments. my mid term is this friday and i should be studying. but i felt obligated to go online and update myself on online ongoings. pop quizes are nasty!! but fortunately i did well. did pretty badly with my referencing assignment though. got a C+. pretty shitty. oh so much typing to do. ahhhh.....who the hell said mass comm was easy!! *mumble mumble*

in so deep, i cant get out

when did life get so complicated. i guess i put myself in these situations. no one put me there really. so there is no one else to blame but myself. i told myself last week that i would get out of the situation before i fall in too deep. and when i tried to pull myself out, i realized that i am in too deep. and that when i tried pulling out, i couldnt really so i went back in and put myself in a deeper hole. a hole so deep i dont know if i can get out, i dont know if i want to get out.

better than what we had

so what if hes got someone new. is it wrong to feel a lil bit jealous??? i mean i have dated a handfull of people since we broke up. but i get this slight twinge of jealousy when i see them together. im gald hes got someone new. i know hes very picky in the girls he dates, so im sure he chose well. and i hope they will be happy together. i hope she didnt make the same mistakes i did. and i hope he treats her better than the way he treated me.

whipped cream and tequilla

wolfs party was alright. had fun. i got bought by ian with apromise that i would take him out for dinner at fridays and that i would give him a kiss at the end of the date, with my mouth open. i managed to buy kouk, who is now my pet dog and my escort to social functions; and andy who promised to pick me up and take me to dinner and send me home and then we have desert! ;) i prefere whipped cream and strawberries, if you know what i mean! ;)

later that night we went to arjuns place to go drinking. i got so fucking sloshed. all that yummy tequilla!! i was fine until we opened the 2nd bottle. it was foul. i got so drunk after that. i pretty much threw up all over damansara and pj. apparently i threw up infront of the mosque during the morning prayers. how cool is that!!

beggers cant be choosers

goddamn! havent posted in more than a week! been so busy and all. well i just started in kdu. im doing mass comm. im only taking two subjects at the moment but its hectic as it is. its only six week long semester. so the lecturers are rushing to meet the quota. made a couple of friends here. they are pretty cool. met loads of old friends though! friends that i havent seen in years!! i guess i like it here. my classmates are fun. feel like i dont fit in sometimes but beggers cant be choosers right?

mascara i love you

my mom put my dog to sleep today. pretty upset about it. who am i going to talk to when im alone at home now. whos going to listen to my problems. whos going to always be there when i need the company??

i miss you mascara

ribena

im in love. it knows how to satisfy me.

RIBENA: BETTER THAN AN ORGASM

:)

i like strawberry

i like strawberry.

which cake?

story time.

once upon a time there was this boy. and he was craving for food for he was rather hungry. so he went down to the kitchen to find food. on the kitchen counter there was two slices of cake, one was vanilla and one was chocolate. he has always liked vanilla, he always had it and he was happy with it. but he has never tried chocolate before, and he was tempted to try it. so he contemplated about it for awhile. then he decided why not have it both. so he can try something new and exiting and still have his vanilla that he liked. then he saw a note on the counter it said that he could only have one.

this is not just a post about cakes. it has far bigger meaning to it. if you ask me. i like chocolate. very yummy!! :)

test of friendship

its funny how you only know if your friend is a real friend until something bad happens. its like your friendship has to be put to a test then the outcome will make you realize if your friend is an ass or not. well the outcome for my friendship with ~insert name here~ wasnt very good. went through one test after i helped ~insert name here~ countless of times; and ~insert name here~ wasnt there for me. just made things worst. made it horrible for me. gave me a hard time.

more pics

check out these other pics from ryans and sweedishes party.
http://matthewman.multiply.com

so good but so bad

dont you find it ironic that something so good could be so bad for you. like you really enjoy doing something but its so bad for you! its like cigarettes, it feels great to smoke it but its so bad for you. its death in a stick. or like chocolate, it taste soo good, but you know you shouldnt have too much, but you want to anyway. lifes just like that, so fucking ironic

so rizal

well i would like to welcome rizal to our wgs gang. am looking forward too hanging out more!! so rizal.........

love complications

well seems like everyone is so intrested in my love life for some wierd reason. well thanks for everyones concern, but im good. im fine where i am. lil complications as always but im good!

stat counter

sorry to all readers for i havent posted in awhile! well ive been rather busy! i added a stat counter on my blog six days ago! and ive gotten 111 visitors!!! how sweet is that!! well i was curious on how many people ready my blog. i had no idea it was that many!! woohooo!

milk it

went to johns house yesterday with rudy, we had a couple of beers. and man they know how to milk information out of me. fuckers!!

party party party

Friday night.

being unbelievably exhausted after the tourny i managed to sneak in 20 mins of sleep. oh so precious sleep! so we headed to my dads place for some beer and food. oh so precious food! the food was lovely, there was these great pies and the pasta....yummy. we chilled took some pictures, watch my friends flirt with each other. pretty wierd. then we headed off to swedishes and ryans official birthday party!!!

it was in the hilton hotel. and the bed was so comfy. we started off with just chilling and chatting then we started playing jacks. andy chose ribena and i had to down it. fucking sweet!! and ian had to down all the drinks we had in the room mixed in one glass. bleeugh! he was totally wasted after. we played 'i never' and truth. the whole day was drama filled.

1) swede getting gayed by lots of people
2) swede getting jealous of rudy being such 'a sexy guy'
3) john getting hand cream all over his head!
4) john getting his revenge throwing lighters at the chicks and putting pies up their skirts
5) the chicks getting into a fight cos of the lighter.
6) maike getting jealous
7) christina sitting on azmin
8) andy getting hit my maika with plastic cups. it was so funny. andy was sleeping on the chair, and maika suddenly goes up to him and tries to wake him up calling him a party pooper. then she suddenly hits on the face with a bunch of plastic cups. ryan and i went to see if he was ok and he just rubbed his temple and said 'am i bleeding??'
9) ryan kissed andy almost imidiately after the plastic cup insident
10) i was sleeping next to andy on the bed and he is such a crazy sleeper. he kept pushing me off the bed and elbowing me and touching my ass. and he had no idea he was doing it. he was really asleep!
11) andy pushed me off the bed and i fell on ryan and kneed him in the balls, ryan got so shocked that he stepped on ians balls. it was fucking funny, and we couldnt blame anyone for it, cos andy was sleeping!

it was a crazy night! lots of fun!! im glad we had it!
we had another party on saturday. but it was just a few of us. dinner was great! it was ryans dad surprised party! then we went to lisa de inn and finished all the drinks. it was a great weekend!


rudy and andy getting it on


rudy and swedish getting it on


swedish when he was totally sloshed and ryan taking advantage of him.


andy feeling john up


playing jacks

trashed tourny

Friday 10 June 2005

i had 20 mins of sleep. then i got a call from zach asking me to wake up. eventhough i was very much awake. i remeber john asking for hand cream drasticly, like his life depended on it. "triona, i need hand cream!! HAND CREAM!" whatever feelings of being tired was snuffed out thanks to john! then we had breakfast at DE and surprisingly govind joined me! we went over to ahmads place and had a nice chat with ahmads mom while he slumped around the house! we went to kl central and waited for shaun. john got me this really cool mixture of coffee. i was starting to get really sleepy! i met faizal there. i remember having a crush on him when i was in form one. used to go to mcds where he used to work just to see him. well he remembered me. so wierd!

well we got thrashed by the teams there. all that talk about murdering my opponents and the singaporians were a waste cos they turned out to be great bunch of guys. were nowhere near the playing level at the moment. nothing practice cant help. it was tiring but overall i had loads of fun. my opponents were pretty cool guys!

wolf had send teams for three competitions that weekend. and we all didnt do well. well next time then.


shamil, kuok, shaz and vinder at the 40k tournament in 1utama


zach drooling at the singaporeans. but was he really looking at the computer screen??


view of the tourny


team wgs that was there on friday

emils wedding

its been such a busy weekend! im still trying to recover from it all!

Thursday 9th June 2005

emil and adizahs wedding. i cant believe they are married it just seems like yesterday that emil and i were hanging out going something stupid, him calling me a wench, both of us looking really stupid on fear factor, then next thing i know we went to go look for an engagement ring for the pair.

the wedding was so picture perfect. it was so pretty, not to mention emil looked pretty too, all that make up. the bride was simply lovely! lovely smile! food was good. i remember that andy was going to be late so he asked several people to save him a seat. it would have been really funny if we all actually saved him seats! that would be 7 seats! pretty memorable wedding;
1) the entrance music for the couple was 'youll never walk alone!'
2) the ice-cream cake was devine!
3) i wore a pink dress
4) raj looked so cuuuuute!!!! i just wanted to pinch his cheeks!!
5) havent seen elya in a bit!

i wish them both a happy life together and may they never walk alone!

later that night we just chilled and played Tai Ti till late. pretty shitty since i was playing in a tournament the next morning!


the shop boys at the wedding


rudy and raj. sont they look so cute!!


the lovely couple


datuk andy

dramatic day

well this was very dramatic day!! im happy!

nowhere near

well everyone seems to be trying to guess who this new guy is? well thanks for being so concern about my love life but no one has got it right hahaha. what worries me is that everone seems to think its a certain someone~insert name here~. well sorry guys, nowhere near!

fucking sucky day!

was supposed to meet him today. ended up sleeping the whole day. what a fucking sucky day!

horribly played

im having a horrible time at dawn of war practice. brian and i have lost all games save one. im dimoralized. i dont feel like playing another game right now. i cant seem to handle rushes. considering the fact that brian and i are team two were doing horribly! if this is what the tournaments going to be like then fuck it all. why bother playing!

just maybe i should stop

im thinking bout ending my blog. yes i guess i am mean sometimes. but i always make sure thier identity is safe with me. but this whole spamming thing on my blog is annoying me. im pretty sure this person is mad at me gor the wrong reasons. if i was mean to this person, i didnt mean it. im only want to be mean with one person in the shop, and im pretty sure that he doesnt read my blog! well perhaps i should stop writing in my blog

never dawn of war

its 6:30 am and im in the cyber cafe playing dawn of war. i was in the cafe yesterday till this time as well. after the competition, im not touching dawn of war ever again!

am i??

am i to front on my blog? am i to mean on my blog?

not sure why your pissed

im not sure why this guy is so pissed at me for. (im refering to the guy thats on my tagboard) well he was refering to the post where i was pissed cos i couldnt get into my msn, and when i finally did, there was no one i wanted to talk to. well this person got pissed and said that im two faced, that i acted nice infront of him but i actually dont like him. why he took my post so seriously i dont know. i have no idea who it is but i hope he understands that post was not directed at someone to hurt them. i wanted to go online to talk to my sis and sweedish about something. and they werent online. i really didnt mean to offend him. i know i am very direct sometimes onmy blog. but the people that i write about know about the incident. and they know i was pissed about it. so im not sure why this guy thinks i have written about him. i hope we can work it out over a drink or something.

reserved type

shucks when guys are reserved. you never know if they like you. and i seem to be going for the reserve type lately. they are so secretive that they never tell anyone what they feel. so you cant find out from his mates either! shucks! maybe i should just make it clear that i like him??

trainin andy

im in the cyber cafe now, training for dawn of war. im currently teaching andy how to use shortkeys and micromanage. i think hes got too much new things to remember that he might explode. poor boy! we were supposed to play two on two vs the computer but my pc hanged so hes on his own. hes doing alright. ill probably be meeting him tomorrow to train him again. since hes on team 3, hes got to do well, and hes a new player so hes got lots to learn. i have faith im him and shaz. i think they would do well!

dawn of war finalized

the dawn of war tournament is getting closer. and we finally finalized our teams today.

team 1: wgs st. johns
zach and jonathan

team 2: TT of doom
brian and me
our team name was supposed to be TT of doom, for triona and tyranids. but i think zack registered us as trionid.

team 3 : shazandy: dendam kumpulan sith
shaz and andy

team 4: lost in space
ahmad and azmin

team 5 : the irregulars(i think)
shaun and ian

sleep at rudys

i was in rudys place yesterday. and if andy hadnt called, i dont think i would have left the place. we were chillin in the place and the next thing i know im sleeping. and so was rudy, dawn, zach, and shazz. its so comfy. i just wanted to sleep there all day. zachs theory is we all fell asleep because, its dark, cold and the lack of oxygen cos of the cigarettes that we were all having. i guess its true. maybe thats why rudy cant leave his room, cos he keeps passing out lol!

candy smiles

his eyes are so beautiful! when were across the room and our eyes meet its like theres this magnetic pull than prevents either of us to look away. when i look into his eyes, i feel like im drowning. floating more like it! i wonder if he notices the pull too. or is it my imagination on hyperdrive?

ive caught him staring too. and when i do he look away and blushes, so cute!! im pretty bold cos i stare at him and when he notices i dont stop. then he goes and blushes somemore. i wonder if he knows he blushes alot? if i tell him i recon he would blush some more!!

hes got this great smile. it just lights up his face. makes his eyes crinkle. and makes it real small. and it glitters when it laughs. it sparkles. looks like hes crying or something. he makes me smile!

would i be that kinda of person??

i know i wont ever break up a family. i dont ever want to be a home wrecker. i would never date a married man. this is a promise i made to myself recently.

someone once told me, 'if he aint married, hes available.' so would i date someone whom i know has a girlfriend. would i let him cheat on her with me. i know i never want to be cheated on, it would break my heart! then why do i feel like its ok if the guy wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me??

not proud of it

i cant say im proud of what i did to her. well jealousy is an evil monster. i dont know what i was thinking. maybe i wasnt. i hope that in time she would learn to forgive me.

nice boys are boring

so what is it that makes me get attracted to bad boys. the whole wrong type. let me list it down for yall, there was a huge gangster, a outlaw, a married man(i didnt know), a dude a decade older than me, a fucking sadist, a blady muther fucking sex maniac. oh gawd.... where do i find these people. and why am i so fucking attracted to them. arggh....

well i guess cos nice boys are rather boring!

no drama

my life is lacking in drama. i need drama. im bored. nothings happening!!!

y2j blog

im missing a friends blog. he used to write total crap. i liked it. nice to get total crap. i hope he starts writing again. yeah andy...write again!!!

lost

i ve been watching this series called 'Lost' its really good. its about a plane that crashed on an island. so you watch how they have to survive on the island, fight with the monsters in them and the mystery on the island. i sugest that everyone try watching it!! its really good!!

home alone

alone at home at the moment. moms off to PD , sis is in camp and dads working that leaves me at home alone and very very bored.

confusicator friends

well, its funny how people give you advice and tell you stuff like 'omg....he knows what you said about him that day. i think -insert name here- told him. perhaps you should be careful what you tell him.' then you confront -insert name here-, and -insert name here- tell you that they never said a word to that person that -insert name here- was busy all day. and that the person that told you about -insert name here- was with the dude you were talking bad about that day.

ok its confusing. but basicly, a friend tries to lay off the evidence on him telling you that someone else did it. well sort of. what kinda friends are these man. the thing is i look as them as the closest friend to me. and now im not sure what the fuck is going on.

star wars 3

i watched star wars episode 3. and honestly it was pretty disappointing! i mean i didnt display any emotion during the movie. it didnt make me sad or anything. i yawned. it was just plain. it wasnt good nor was it bad. it was just star wars.

a decade too old

been intrested in this guy. problem... he is 10 years older than me. sigh.... well its just a crush!!

ex boyf and ex crushes

been chatting with my ex lately. i guess i was feeling guilty about the way i treated him. hes got longish hair now.....yumm! i have also been chatting with my ex crush. he told me he used to like me. feels wierd...

emotional gamers

theres this dude next to me in the cyber cafe playing football on the pc. and his fucking scaring me. hes throwing tantrums everytime his friend scores a goal. hes hitting his friend. hes throwing the mouse. hes banging the table. im getting freaked out!

no one on msn

so after i made a huge fuss about my msn. and i finally got in. i realize there is no one to talk to, well no one i wanted to talk to. :P

fucking msn

fucking msn keeps fucking screwing up on me!!! it kept telling me that my email and password didnt match. and im so fucking sure that it does!! oh....just want to kill something!!!!

guilt trip on ex

talking to my ex boyfriend online. hes all fucked up. hating the world, wanting to burn everyone alive. i have this wierd nagging feeling that they way i broke up with him, may be part of the cause for him beeing this way....guilty....

summer time

its summer time time for parties and more parties!!!! wooohoooo!!!!

should have won it

played in a wwe tourny today. i should have won it. i know i could have. i want my title belt! lost in the semi finals to APA. he had a really good hand. was pretty comfident since i had beaten them in the swiss round. andy got DQ cos he had an extra two cards in his arsenal. poor sod. i feel so bad for him. well its officiall. my HHH deck is by far my best build. i like it. but i cant play it to much. must meta game!!

star wars battlefront

playing star wars battle front right now. yes yes.... more computer games. sigh.... what happened to me???

pooch is back

pooch is back. we picked up at the air port, he looks so different now. he put on so much weight, hes so menacing now. looks like he had fun in nebraska. he got me a book. vampire the masquerade novels. clan toreador. very intresting. glad hes back.

paranoia zap

played paranoia zap today. its basicly a roleplaying game where you die really REALLY fast. its loads of fun. its completely wacko. think looney toons. one wrong move and your dead. thank god we have six clones. if all your six clones die, ure out!! manage to stay in the game for three sessions so far. very intresting. i suggest everyone try it!!

sleep till dawn

been palying dawn of war sooo freaking much. everyday so far. got to train for the tourny!!! i need more sleep. my eyes are bloodshot. the dark circles around my eyes is as visible as ever. and im brain dead more often than i normall am.....oh god.... oh god.....

kingdom of heaven

if you havent watched kingdom of heaven, i suggest that you go. it was rather meaningful for me. considering that we live in an enviroment where muslims and christianity dont exactly see eye to eye. it was pretty cool watching the movie with two other muslim guys and another christian dude. we can all still be friends even though it seems we pray to different gods. a character in the movie was translating to bailin about what muslims say during their prayers. and bailin replied 'thats not very different from what we say.' which is true. infact, i believe that were praying to the same god, just in different ways. so why do we dispute so much over religion??

lady dreaming

gawd i love this pic!

pretty pictures

here are some pretty pictures that i wanted to put on my blog. *i sound more and more like a bimbo every day!*

shop picture #1

this is the shop picture from christmas. thought id put it up.


frm left to right. starting from the top row. fiezan, joe, andy, cant tell, woi lun, terra, blur, mike, deborah, wolf(the pimp), me, ian(with the peace sign), random small kid, dawn, ramat, bryan(yes that bryan) jason, azmin, point, raj and ahmad.

long haired men

i seem to be intrested in long haired men lately...the whole scruffy looking thing. here are some pics of long haired celebrities that i think are hot. *drool..


bo bice


constantine


johhny


russell crowe


orlando

dont set them up!!

what happens when you set your friends up and then you realize they are horrible together. that they shouldnt be friends even. makes you feel so fucking guilty man. this sucks.

laundry day

laundry day today. man i hate laundry day. i guess it because im goddamn fussy when it comes to washing me clothes. i have to separate the pants, skirts, tops, jeans, whites, lights, brights, darks and handwash only clothes. okok so im fussy. i cant help it. and its so freaking tiresome! just want to unwind right now. a good book and a nice warm drink will do it.

never liked us together

ever since i broke up with bryan, a whole lot of people have been telling me that they didnt like us together. most of the people who told me this either had a crush on me or bryan. but to think that they were people who hated me just because i dated bryan. people who wanted to ruin my life. its crazy. ive been getting prank calls lately from a person whos been asking me to stay away from bryan. i mean what the hell. im not even with bryan. i have no clue who the fuck it is, but its getting goddamn annoying.

but people, dont get scared, bryan is a great guy. dont be scared to date him. :)

grown man cry

the sweetest thing to ever happen to me. when my macho exboyfriend had actually went down on his knees, cried and told me how much he meant to me, and how he doesnt want to lose me. it was the sweetest thing ever. any doubts i had vanished. theres nothing more beutiful than seeing a grown man cry over you.

what about music

my band is having some problems. im starting to think that this is a fucking glamour band. im wondering if anyone else is in the band because they love music. i know michelle does. but lately i recon shes been wanting to spend time with blur. there drama already in the band. and all i want to do is make music. i dont need a band to make music. maybe i dont need a band.

idol results.

malyasian idol was a good experiance. by now you would have noticed that i didnt make it to the next level. i think i did well. better than i thought i would. i sang blue moon. and they asked me to sing another song so i sang jewel-folish games. im cool not getting in. the experiance was worth while. next year ill take it seriously. ill sing a rock song. and ill rock myself to the next level. one year at a time.

well this will add on to stupid reality shows ive tried to be on. already on the list is fear factor, doubles(with emil)! next will be explorace! watch it people. ill be there.

wanna be a pop star

going for malaysian idol tomorrow. i dont even know what to sing. i dont expect to get in. just doing it for fun. everyone is asking me to sing a soft rock song, but i think i should do the whole jiwang thing. ermm...thinking jewel- you were meant for me. or something to that extent.

listening to kittie- what i always wanted now, hmmmmm....maybe i should sing that. its time to rock!!

wolf, having a bad time

been worried about a dear friend of mine whos going through a though time. hope you get back on your feet! i know you will.

my hair!!

it feels so different now that ive cut my hair. when i run my fingers through my hair, instead of me having to stretch to get my fingers free. now it stops short. i feel naked. i feel younger, carefree. ive cut off a whole burden on my chest when i cut my hair. well its not messy anymore. and im going to miss slapping everyone with my hair when im in the mosh pit. gonna miss using my hair to cover my cleavage. it was a shock seeing my hair on the floor of the hair salon. i guess i was surprised i actually did it!

i feel great. im over him

cut my hair yesterday. was very reluctant that i cut my hair. had something to do with bryan. but cutting it was like washing my hands off bryan. moving on. and i have. im happy, very happy. talking to him helped me move on. its funny how all i had to do was cut my hair and have a decent conversation with him. im the happiest ive been in so long. i feel refreshed, rejuvenated. i feel great. its been six months. of pain, hurt and crying, and im finally happy.

thanks to everyone who helped me on the way to recovery. i know i only had an emotional breakdown a few days ago. but im good now. thank you!

shaz wedding

heres some pictures from shazs wedding.


the happy couple


dawn, myself and john


the shop boys..........yummm.......


the boys and i


the shop