abusing it

really bored in col. sitting around in the com lab with my friends. and im abusing the printer and printing 150 pages worth of playstation game walkthrough. im truly abusing it.

is anybody there?

is anybody there?

emotions going through my head
my pulse thumping in my wrist
its calling, mocking me,
telling me im a coward
im trying to shut it out
i scream
but nobody is listening
im clutching a knife in my hands
cursing everyone that hurt me
swearing my revenge
the blade is cold against my skin
my wrist opens at my command
warmth leeks out of me
i fell pain all over
theres blood soaking my clothes
but nobody cares

i miss the doggy

i can seem to stop thinking about the dog. :(

ironic and sad

the most ironic and saddest thing happen to me today. well as all my readers know, my dog got put to sleep a couple of months ago. and my dog had 7 puppies before that. we gave away a few to our neighbours as we couldnt handle too many pets. last night around 1 am, i wanted to go outside so i opened my gate and i saw my dog. it didnt hit me that i didnt have a dog at that time. then i realized that it was one of the puppies that we gave away to our neighbours. it had remembered us when it was a puppy and escaped its owners home. if you watched the movie lassie you can picture the scene. he leaped up in to arms and started licking my neck and face. i played with it for a bit then went to bed. i named it spot and was planning to dognap it if the owners didnt find it.

in the morning my mom calls me and tells me the the dog followed her to buy breakfast and got hit by a car. my mom was so upset. she saw it all happen. when i went to college i saw the body by the road side but i couldnt go near it. all my hopes on getting a new dog was dashed. it was such a friendly dog. i miss him already.

shit happens

in the middle of editing class right now and their teaching us to do editing. so im stealing time on the internet to blog.

for those of you who dont know im allergic to chilli. thats pretty sad considering the fact that i live in malaysia. i had an allergic reaction two days ago and everyone in coll is teasing me about it. they keep staring at my lips.

i was pretty bitchy in class today when i passed the attendance sheet to someone to pass in to the front. and she grabbed the paper from me and tossed it on the table, finding it really rude i said out loudly "well someones got an attitude problem!" i think i really humilated her cos alot of people heard and started laughing. felt bad for a bit, but couldnt help it....she was being rude.

i couldnt find my wallet today and panicked! thought maybe i lost it in coll or in 1 utama. then ahmad calls me and tells me i left it in his car....thank god.

amazing woman helps demsell

i had this wierd stalker experiance on monday. i was on the way home from college on an extremely packed putra bus and there was this short malay man that kept on staring at me. i mean he didnt take his eyes off me even for a second. he was inching closer and closer through the crowd but he didnt do anything. and i was too exhausted to yell at him to stop staring. i didnt want to make a scene. and i couldnt move away from him cos the bus was so packed. so i just let him stare at me, as long as he didnt get physical i really couldnt care.

then this lady in her early 20s nudged her way and stood in between me and and the creep. she then told me that there was this creep staring at me. but was i so confused on why an attractively woman would risk being molested by some creep just so that i wouldnt. (keep in mind that its a sardin packed bus). its amazing. im very thankful for this womans help. and im speechless by what she did.

really that unenjoyable?

someone told me that my blog is too emotional and write in codes and that makes reading my blog unenjoyable. is that really true??

i dont care what people say

just having a chat with my lesbian friend. and its funny how she is so paranoid on what people think of her. the thing is i used to be just like that. i lied alot about who i am and what i do. i kept alot of things secret, and honestly i still do. its like everyone knows but they play along in the game. i always worried about what people would say about me. and lately ive been growing with the thought that i shouldnt care as long as im happy with myself. im working on it.

falling, flying and crashing

how is it when you think your falling for someone you start thinking about someone else.

never thought id be admitting this but, i think im falling. falling so hard that i can get hold of anything. i feel like im flying.

i will hit the ground soon. i know its coming but i cant bring myself to hold on to something to keep me from crashing. its like i want to crash.

im confused. im not sure what im feeling. is it a crush. is it lust. is it only because im growing fond of him. i dont know.

i have to talk to him. i have to prevent myself from crashing and smashing my heart. i cant keep on living this lie. i cant keep on pretending that there is nothing wrong. i cant keep on pretending that everything is okay and that there is nothing wrong.

charlie and the chocolate factory

watched charlie and the chocolate factory on saturday with ida, rizal and zach. crazy movie. it messes up your mind i tell you!! pretty fun though. johnny depp is an amazing actor, never thought he could act like that. there were some funny scenes (really wierd sense of humour) and wacky moments. cool movie...worth a watch. but be warned that it WILL mess up your mind.

nightmare chocobos

my quest for chocobos in final fantasy seven is turning to a nightmare. they are all cute and friendly looking.....but NOOOOO.......ITS EVIL. i have close to zero sleep because im trying to breed them. basicly you have to find rare chocobos and train it and feed it and then mate it with a nut(??????). this would give you different coloured chocobos. and then you get this funny couloured chocobos and train them and feed them....basicly it goes on and on. ITS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! but i have to do it to get the cool stuf in the game. plus its an ego thing as well. zach cant seem to stop making fun of my 'disabilities' in the game.....like my crap damage and my zero knowledge on the game. must breed the chocobos......

kuoks terror bathroom

stayed over kuoks place on saturday. and hes bathroom is really wierd. the bathroom door is made of carved wood. you know the ones you see in chinese programs. and its got holes in them. its really wierd to take a piss or a shower knowing that everyone is in the room and might see you. really really wierd.

marty casey

been watching rockstar INXS lately. and boy i am in love with marty casey. he has a voice i can fly with, eyes i can drown in and a smile i can melt with. hes an amazing singer. totally brilliant. hope he makes it all the way!!