Lesson Learned

I want to be happy. I want to be grateful that I'm going to Germany. I want to say im excited. But right now i cant be. I never knew winning the tournament came with so much baggage, so much drama.

Everyone thinks I'm some backstabbing power hungry person now. Somehow many people have the impression that i back stabbed my way into winning the tournament. I don't know who i back stabbed or why people are calling me so. I don't see why they would have thought that i back stabbed my allies during the tournament. Well i have no idea cos no one is really giving me a straight answer.

I've been so worked up about this. These people i thought were my friends for years now, And next thing i know they having some bitching session about me. The things some people told me was a little too painful for me. If they were really my friends wouldn't they talk to me, to see what really happen? Won't they try to find out my side of the story at least? Or do they already think so lowly of me.

It hurts to know that your friends are talking behind your back about something u didn't do. Perhaps these people aren't really my friends. The more i think about it, the more i think its true. Anyone who knows me well enough will know that my conscience will kill me if i did it. I'm hurt. I'm offended. I can't stop obsessing about it. And perhaps its what they want me to do. Feel guilty, make me regret winning.

So in a spur of the moment, i decided these people aren't worth being friends with anyway, if they could do something like this, even when they know it would hurt me so much. So i deleted their phone numbers from my phone. Dramatic i know, but it was what i really wanted to do. I'm so mad at them for even thinking i would do something like that. I'm so hurt that that no one dared to tell me. For that one person who did, even if u didn't tell me everything, i am truly thankful. You made me realize many things today.